Happy birthday!

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It’s been roughly 25 weeks+ since we’ve “spoken” to each other. Not exchanging a word, but interacting.

I know you chose the latter of looking in to the oblivion and making sure that you don’t have any bitter feelings left. Or just choosing to let go of what we had.

Every response of yours have cut short, mostly because you think you’ve justified it already or there is no point in justifying it to me.

I see that you’ve grown from strength to strength while I’m moved from one thing to another. While you put another brick on the wall to go higher, I’ve realized that it is me on the other side of the wall being completely blinded. Well, we all have the urge to get things right. I’m probably the curious cat who tried to over do it and kill the essence.

Yes, I speak my issues out. Yes, I’m vocal about things. Yes, I’m expressive. Yes, we do not approach things the same way. No, we aren’t 2 different people. No, we aren’t bitter about each other. No, we are not going to make it look like we never knew each other.

I’m not sure if you still have that letter I had written in a while back. You said you’d draft a reply but were too caught up with all the negativity we were surrounded by. I had also mentioned that I’d tear it apart if you’d write back. Well, looks like it just went into that draft folder and never got back. Possibly it’s for the good, we need a fresh start to things.

Every time you walk past me, it feels like an awakening. I don’t expect you to look at me, or give me the looks because I know you’d do that if you wanted to.

I’m usually sure about what’s in your head but I’ve lost the touch of things now. Probably because you have none anymore or you’ve developed for someone else. Be open about it now or you’re just ruining it for everyone.

I know everything builds on trust and patience. Whatever we did, we did it for our good but whatever we’re going to do is for our best interest. I know that we’ve to take things slowly and one at a time. Maybe I got possessive and aggressive, and it wasn’t helping either of us. Well, people usually say that the essence of a human is felt when you lose them. I do realize that we need this break only to know if it’s for good. I am heart broken about us, for the fact that I don’t have a friend right now I can blindly trust; to whom I can confess my insecurities, fears and with whom I can enjoy my victories and achievements.

I maybe bitter of the fact that you chose to take these decisions all by yourself without having a word with me, but it’s your life, you choose who’s in it and who’s not. Everything is temporary, even this person writing this mail.

You keep telling me that you don’t talk about us with anyone, and I do. It’s not because I can’t handle it myself but it’s because I’ve liked you so much as a person that it feels empty without you around. It’s just those thoughts of us being there for each other which was making us sail through things. I was drunk on our thoughts. I’m not sure if your friends like me as a person and as how I know you, you shouldn’t be influenced by them. Please don’t consider this to be a battle of egos or submissive attempts, it’s just me being me wanting to know about us.

I don’t even know if I’m supposed to be doing this but I know what’s right for me. Starting today, I want to do everything afresh. I do not want to have bitter memories between us when we’ve had great moments to share. We will definitely go places and never should we think of each other and feel regretful. That’s the last thing I would want anyone to think of me and us.

This is what we are. This is what I want us to be. Let me know of what you’ve to say.

You and I have a pending encounter, an unfinished chat and a bunch of hugs to exchange.

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That one long year.

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The year which was to decide my fate and my future, my final few months with friends, my graduation, my 4 year stint at Dubai and last but not the least, the year which taught me about how harsh life can get. Well, to be honest, I still can’t make out what life is about, which is when I have my savior, or more likely my project guru, Ishaan to explain it in the most elaborate yet simple way.

That moment when I got done with my final hurdle as a scholar, yes, that moment of no more forced night outs, endless rumors of what’s going to pop up on that bit of paper, and people shoving you with all those ‘I know you’ve read it all’ banters must be one of the saddest moments of my life. You got a bit carried away with that didn’t you? Well, I’m weird in my own way. Pressure keeps me kicking, I might even end up being a slave in the cardiac ward later down the road.

I thought to myself that the end of the world is near, I did believe those mayans, well, as how my facebook and twitter feeds keep popping up, they seem to have been true about the end of the world, in our case its humanity. All that commotion apart, I got done with exams and college life looked more or less done with little or no affinity among people who earlier, kept socializing like molecules in an exothermic reaction.

The smell of money is very intoxicating. It changes a person’s outlook at things, yet doesn’t make him realize as how it changes him. Internships, especially paid ones are really lucrative because its more like a “no-strings” attached relationship. No responsibilities to be taken to your head, and no authority over any form of official work whatsoever. But my ex employers were legislators of law which could never be broken, late hours, excessive work, no training of any sort and yet expect a cat to digest an elephant’s meal with little or no appreciations of any sort was the daily routine.

It was then that I realized that some people work for money, others for pleasure. The one’s who work for money are no way different to a call-girl. I mean no offence to any lady who is reading this but look at it in a simpler way, you slog your socks off all day long and your boss belittles it to be a waste of time? Come on, you deserve more than that. If a person cannot give credit to a genuine and fruitful attempt, what’s the use of money? This was my first lesson of this really eventful yet colorless year.

There are a lot of people who follow this rule, 1. Your boss is always right, 2. If he’s wrong, refer to rule number 1. This, my friends, is a myth. Bosses as my dictionary would describe are people who usually have tensed faces, terrorizing eyes, flickering minds, fidgeting tongues and very timid thoughts. All they know of is to get work done from you no matter what’s on stake for you. As a student, I’ve worked for 20 hours straight with little or no interest and was still expected to turn up next day sharp at 9 A.M. My senior chortled at me at the coffee table while I kept cursing him under my breath when I learnt one of the biggest tips to succeed in life, the art of saying NO. The word is a simple combination of 2 alphabets which coincidentally fall right next to each other in the list, N and O. The art of saying NO is something many fail to acquire which incidentally is an essential tool to grow up the ladder. Thus concludes lesson number two for the year.

My Internship ended on a high note with a job offer from my ex employers and I genuinely played a game with them. Neither was the offer lucrative enough for me to go gaga over it, neither was I begging for a job, and while I earned decently as an internee, I understood one thing, never work for free, never work underpaid and quit if you are overpaid. Lesson number three for the year.

I finished my final few days in Dubai blowing up money in the name of partying and shopping. Then entered a completely new city in my life, Vishakapatnam. Beautiful, scenic, a poet’s paradise as some say and the beach. Settling down was easy for all those long years I spent in Chennai, and neighbors were really helpful. I made some quick friends and it looked easy, for I imagined how hard a life it would be for an introvert. Lesson number four, folks.

Its always been a childhood dream of mine to be my own boss. I’ve never liked people command at me and get their work done or maybe my ex-boss was just a bad dream in this beautiful journey. The idea of being an entrepreneur has always been intriguing and has been a source of extreme excitement. A dream is a must in one’s life because when you achieve it, you’ve nothing more to prove to yourself before the world doubts you. But never obsess with a dream, because obsession leads to very many complications. Simplicity is singly the winner on any given day.

Finally, the biggest and the most bitter lesson I’ve had to deal with. Luck, some believe, some don’t, others live off it. Being decent at academics, I’ve had my fair share of wants in the work front and I must say that I was amused to learn some of my peers placed at MNCs and then me, with a cup of filter coffee and constant mails from naukri and Linkedin suggesting me what my profile should look like to attract recruiters. That day I decided to stand by this statement: “Stop expecting things from yourself before you expect of others because losing out to your own set standards is something you can never digest and get over with ease.

I hope the year to follow teaches me more, makes me realize how important every moment of a day is and makes sure I get closer to my ultimate dream at least by an inch. To 2013, folks!

India ki mat le meri jaan.

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Scene 1: My day starts off at 10 AM, I get ready, do my daily course of mail checks and visit the nearest coffee shop to meet friends. On one such day, I meet this new guy, investment banker. That’s some really lucrative job one could get. He tells us his credentials and it took me quite sometime to have my next sip of coffee. I ask him about his job and it seems to be more or less his life and he’s happy to be on a money minting scheme. I see him call for the check and look at his plate only to see that he hasn’t even started to eat what he had ordered. I ask him why and he says, the food is not fancy here.

Scene 2: I usually walk in the evenings, a lot off late, though my physical appearance fails to justify that. The common day scenario includes children coming back to their fortress, teenagers smoking away to glory, young adults finding their so called true love in someone and families, well, its family time. I ask one of my young friends near a pan shop if he has 5 minutes of time to help me find a place nearby, What does he do? Throws away his smoke and helps me find the place.

Yes, I’m being obvious. But being obvious is just not enough for us Indians, is it? No, I’m not going to be gaping about anti-corruption but to instill responsibility.

As a human, you do have pride, ego, maybe a fat paycheck and umpteen attitude, but that doesn’t stop you from having common sense. Yes, common sense is a rare commodity these days because its not a gift but a punishment, for you may have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

I see people go to the US of A and suddenly talk about living life king size, neat roads and a happy neighborhood. What made you dim witted beings to realize that? Because there in the US, people don’t care about each other. They care for themselves and their lives. Try doing that in India and you’re one of “them”.

Its like you are trying to win a war against yourself in India. You try doing something worthwhile, there will be people who might help you out but I can assure you of souls standing there, looking at you, cracking jokes and filling their already narrow minded heads with assumptions and judgments and if you finally do break the taboo and achieve something, Congratulations, you’ve just been upgraded to the next level of being a Rebel.

No, I’m not saying throw your waste in the bins, never waste food, trying donating money, plant a tree, or even to help make someone study. All I’m asking is, stop complaining about others when you have a fault in yourself. Try something new, for instance, this really awesome thing which people fear to inherit called social responsibility.

Gandhi ji tried to inculcate ahimsa among us, which is probably the world’s greatest weapon. Our value and tradition rich country in return, honored him with his picture on every currency note. Isn’t it pretty ironical that his smile on a paper is the soul reason a lot of us make others lives miserable and unhappy?

Finally, I end with simple thought which came through my mind. When you burn or tear a notebook, there is a child really looking forward to write his first words. When you are wasting food, there is one soul who cannot afford clean drinking water, when you litter your roads, there is always a cleaner cursing you. Life is not all about making big money. Its about being aware of what’s happening around you when you try achieving your personal goals. If it wasn’t that simple, try not studying but working from tomorrow for there is no difference between an illiterate and a literate imbecile.